There is some fair criticism that using the word "slut" may be more harmful than helpful. Slut has been around too long as a terribly negative label, and we can't get rid of all that with a couple of marches. I don't necessarily agree with that. Maybe SlutWalk won't single-handedly make slut a term for a confident, sex-positive woman, but it's a start. However, that is the only criticism of SlutWalk that I think has any weight. There are the deniers, who say that victim-blaming never happens, the maintainers, who insists that yes, women who dress like sluts are going to (deserve to!) get raped. To take a charming quote from the blog I just linked to, "I don't shed any more tears over a slut getting raped than I do over a gambler winding up broke." There are also those who claim that SlutWalk is a white supremacist movement.
My intent with this post isn't really to counter the criticism being leveled at SlutWalk; there are much more capable people who are taking that on. I want to explain why I whole-heartedly support SlutWalk, and why I think you should, too. For one, I am ecstatic to see women come together for women's issues, especially in a generation in which people can be kind of funny about being feminists. I'm also happy to see the issue of not just rape, but the social implications of rape blame-shifting discussed openly. This is a conversation that has needed to happen for a long time now.
I could post news stories that illustrate the point that women get blamed for rape, but you can pull dozens of them up with a simple Google search. The base question here is, why does our society have so much trouble defining rape? Rape is a non-consensual sex act. If a person is clear that he or she does not want to engage in any sexual activity, but it is forced upon him or her, then it is rape. Rape need not include violence. There are all sorts of situations in which rape happens, but rape is rape and it is always wrong. No matter what. If someone gets drunk and steals an unlocked and unattended car with the keys in the ignition, that person is still a car thief the next morning when the alcohol wears off. If a drunk person forces sex upon a drunk girl in a short skirt, that person is a still rapist the next morning. So why is this issue constantly being revisited, redefined, and debated?
The answer, I think, is as simple as the definition of rape. This is one of the most atrocious and disgusting ways in which women suffer because of our sex. The majority of sexual assault victims are women, and up until very recently, it was common to turn a blind eye when a woman was raped. This "she was asking for it" justification has been around for centuries. In the Middle Ages, if a knight raped a peasant woman, action was almost never taken. She shouldn't have been so enticing, and she probably wanted it anyway. Even now, we are making slow progress. It often takes women years to come forward after she has been raped, because she is made to feel guilty about it. This is what SlutWalk is about.
SlutWalk is more aggressive than the kind of thing I normally get involved with, but victim-blaming is an issue that makes me furious. It's an issue that should make everyone furious. Saying that women shouldn't dress likes sluts in order to avoid being raped is not terribly that different from saying that women must wear burqas so as not to excite the passions of men who may see you. In places where women are required to wear burqas, rape still happens. Often. I'm not trying to make a slippery-slope argument and say that soon western women will have to wear burqas. I'm saying that victim-blaming puts us in the same category of people who make women wear burqas. Slut-shaming completely ignores the fact that most rape is committed by someone the victim knows. Why is more blame not being put on rapists? It is they who commit the crimes. Instead, we insist upon continuing in the archaic, misogynistic vein that makes women feel guilty for being assaulted.
I admit. I don't like the way some women dress. I think in some cases it is disrespectful, and that some manner of dress is inappropriate in certain instances. But I would never tell her that she can't dress that way for any reason, least of all because if she got raped, it would be her fault. No one tells a man who wears pants several sizes too big that if he gets assaulted, it's his fault because he looked like a gangster. Even if it were true that how a woman dresses affects her likelihood to get raped, it's irrelevant. We should be teaching men not to rape, not criticizing women for expressing themselves.
Slut-shaming is just a convenient excuse for peoples' insistence upon blaming women for rape, rather than putting the blame on the rapists, where it belongs. This is why I will walk in SlutWalk Chicago on June 4, 2011.
Good words. Well-stated. I had never actually heard of SlutWalk until now. Thanks for educating me on it. And I also agree with you - rape is never the victims fault. And since the majority of rapists are men I will say this: they are consistent. They are consistent in their lack of true manhood. Just as they are incapable of respecting women regardless of how they may dress or act, they are also incapable of admitting their egregious actions. It breaks my heart, both what the woman goes through and also that there are many men who are that way, even if they may never actually commit rape.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting.
Man or woman, a person's body is their own and no one has a right to violate it under any circumstance. I agree with your likening of a rapist to a car thief in that it doesn't matter the circumstance, the act occurred and you should be held responsible for that. However, the difference between stealing a car and violating a human being is fairly simple: a car is an inanimate object, a human being can create scenarios and situations. A car can't dress provocatively, give "come hither" glances, or make lude, suggestive statements to create a situation prime for sexual advances.
ReplyDeleteWhile NO means NO and a person should respect that, situations can counteract verbal warnings. You're absolutely right in stating that most counts of rape are performed by those the victim knows - it's a fact. Therefore, situations and mindsets can be created over time. We don't know the nature of their relationships previous to the encounter - maybe they made comments in passing to one another, maybe they're both sexually active people, who knows? It's very rare that a person just attacks and rapes another. There's situational context at hand and I'm not talking about a "she was asking for it" ordeal.
For instance: Take someone in an open relationship. They're very forward and flirty. It's safe to assume that their target would reciprocate with sexual advances. In theory, it ends with culminating activities and both go home happy. This is acceptable.
Is that what happens most often? Nope. Here are two situations that happen most often:
ONE: Female gets gussied up to go out for a night at the club/bar. (Side note: It amazes me how much time and money ladies will spend to look so cheap) Guy makes advances, buys her drinks. She reciprocates "appropriately" with flirts, touches, comments etc. It's natural for Guy to assume something's gonna go down for him tonight. Guy invites girl to car or back to his place. Female goes with. Guy starts to go a little bit further than she intended. She tries to say stop. They're both drunk. It doesn't stop and rape proceeds. Does that pardon his action? Nope. But by her actions, those were the signals.
TWO: Boy and Girl are friends. They flirt, make comments to one another, sexual tension builds. Boy and Girl get alone somehow. Either a) Girl entices Boy and then it steamrolls (like situation one) or b) Boy expresses feelings and just goes whole hog. Are the actions excusable? In the end: nope. But, again, look at the signals.
In American society, women are objectified. We are told we're supposed to be sexy and enticing. Women do so and are unprepared to handle the situations that come along with it. Not only do people need to learn self-control, but we need to be changing what we instill in our girls. We need to instill self-confidence. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be sexy and enticing. But we need to teach girls how to do it appropriately and with self-respect. In essence, teach girls how to own their shit and tell people to fuck off.
I'll be brief. But i just wanted to say that the focus needs to shift to the responsibility of men, instead of victim blaming or teaching women to "not give signals". Although the comment above is stating that it's not an excusable action to rape someone based on those scenarios, but that's exactly what you are saying when you following up by indicating that you shouldnt have given signals that you wanted to fuck someone in the first place. it's saying that they got themselves into this situation.
ReplyDeleteSure, we need to teach girls to have self-confidence, but more importantly, i think we need to teach boys not to treat women like shit. We need to step away from gender stereotypes, and teach issues of consent is school. Just because someone consents to touching or making out, does not mean they consent to anything else. Even happily and willingly having sex with someone doesn't mean that person consents to doing anything else or anything different.
We need to teach folks how to communicate. Encourage Women to stand up and say no really does mean no, and teach men to understand that they need to back the hell up when they hear no.
Thank you for your statement "We should be teaching men not to rape, not criticizing women for expressing themselves."
that was longer then i intended it to be, but great post. thank you.
I think you mean "We should be teaching RAPISTS not to rape." The overwhelming majority of men would NEVER even for a second consider raping someone. To suggest that men need to be taught not to rape is tantamount to saying "we need to teach minorities not to murder people." As much as I'm sure you'd like this a women vs men issue, it's not.
ReplyDeleteI'm a man, I wholeheartedly agree that this is blaming the victim, and only a week ago I participated in the same Slut Walk as you. You'd be up in arms if I lumped all women in with heinous criminals, yet that is exactly what you're doing to men. It hurts your message.
Anonymous, why do you say I'd like this to be a women vs. men issue? Because I'm a feminist? Whatever the case, please don't make assumptions about me. I don't want this to be an issue at all. But in the overwhelming majority of rape instances, it is a man raping a woman. So, in some ways, it is a gender issue. Not necessarily men vs. women, but it definitely has gender divisions.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I disagree with your analogy about teaching minorities not to murder. I get what you're saying, but people of all ethnic backgrounds commit murder. It's pretty much just men who rape. So that analogy is kind of a stretch.
Finally, you might be right about my wording. I should have been more careful, and I apologize. I don't think all men are rapists. But my point is this: lots of men who have committed rape, don't realize that what they've done is rape, and honest-to-goodness believe they've done nothing wrong. Why? Because we don't educate people about rape and all of it's various forms. Sometimes, it's just drunken college boys having fun. So here is my rewording: we need to teach people what exactly what rape is, why they shouldn't do it, and why they shouldn't put up with it.
Isn't it the issue though? I read your "Confessions..." entry before posting and what sort of impressions do you think I got from it? You said you don't hate men, you hate "man culture," but what exactly is that supposed to mean? That IS a generalization and it IS a false dichotomy.
ReplyDeleteI'm a man, a gay one. I'm not ogling implants on beer commercials and I'm not sexually assaulting any college coeds (can't say the opposite is always true however). I could be a feminist's best friend if they'd let me into their club.
The overwhelming number of rapists might be men, but the overwhelming number of men are not rapists. I understand your criticism of my analogy. Women and paternity fraud doesn't cut deep enough, but is otherwise a better fit.
Thanks for rephrasing it; not only is it less offensive and more accurate, but it would be more useful. There are even some women who still think rape needs to be a forceful or violent act. Education can't possibly hurt though I wouldn't expect it to change too much.